Dark!

I am lost in the dark, a world that is cold and vain. I am so lost in the dark, and all I feel is pain. My eyes are wide open and yet I can not see, but what I am seeing is the dark. Could this darkness be me? I eyes swell with tears, my throat tight and dry, tears roll down my eyes as I start to cry. This darkness I fear is taking over me, what can I do to be set free? I try to speak no one can hear me, I try to find help but no one is near me. My heart struggling to be let free. In this dark I try to yell and scream for help and I know it is no one hear but me. I feel as though I am going to die in this dream. I ask myself why am I here in this dark? Could it be that I have been unjust or being punished for something I did? Allah knows the life I lived. I just know that I am dieing in side and I am all alone, Alone in the dark, but I don't want to call this home. I have loved, cared for and given all I have. But I have been rewarded with this dark and I am scared and alone. Surrounded by the dark, taken in by the dark, dieing in the dark. Scared by the dark! Lying in the dark!

Stepping out of you, walking into me!

Stepping out of you, walking into me.
Just being the women I want and need to be.
Not wasting another minute being everyone but me.
Am stepping out of you, living my life free.
You have suppressed and distressed what I wanted to be,
you have torn and scorned that women that that use to be me.
But today I am walking away from you so I can be free.
To collect and rebuild that beautiful light in me,
that beauty and joy that use to be me; will be me today!
Because today I am free.
Stepping out of you, walking into me.
I have to be rid of you, to get to me!

The Lye!

You said you loved me it was a lye.
You said you married me, that to was a lye.
You told me your name, it was a lye.
You said you where not playing games, that to was a lye.
You said that you scarficed for me, but it was all for you.
You said that you needed me, but what you needed was not all true.
You said you would give me the world, but that was not true.
You gave me a lye.

Now I know what is true!

Feeling Blah!

It's raining, there are no children out singing, and my mood is so blah!

Why is my mood so blah? I am looking for the sun, and a little bit of fun, and my mood is blah! So, so blah!

Why can't I find joy? Like when a girl meets the boy; she likes or when a boy rides his first brand new bike. All I have is the gray of this very rainy day. And a mood that is blah! So dam blah!

Peace and love!

Jamilah

Question the food you eat!

Do you really have to be in love with someone to make a relationship work or last?

Is it OK to lie to someone by saying that they are pretty?

Am I the only person in the world that gets annoyed with liars?

If you tell someone that you did something, then really do it!! "this is a statement"

Do people really thing that time stops and waits for them? Moron!

Do you like the the color blue? I do!

Can someone that lies often ever be trusted?

When will people learn or realize that most people in the world are not as dumb as they appear, sometimes people like being kind but it doesn't mean they are naive!

If you think you are not good enough for a person, than why not waste their time or yours?

when you see bad kids in the store falling out from fits, and screaming...do you want to beat them for their parent? I do!

What do you really think about a women in hijab?

Does everyone believe what they see on the news?

Do you think that most men suck! I do!

lol..peace and love,

Jamilah

Just a vent!

Why do we have schedules or make schedules to then not follow them? Why make plans and tell people your plans just so they can get mad and or try to change them for you? Look, Time waits for no man or woman. So if you want to do something then do it, if you want to spend time with someone than do it! Don't get mad at someone because they make a schedule or has planned a day without you! People are not mind readers, if you want to spend time with a person tell them, and do it! Not get with them and say nothing or do nothing! Do not get mad when they start doing something else and taking advantage of the time you are wasting. Time is not yours to waste..I am venting..LOL...but hey! I have 4 kids, go to school, and have family that loves being around me! So my time is limited, and I would like to just enjoy the time I have! Give me a break! and my new thing....Quit harshing my mellow!

Peace and Love,

Jamilah

Racing to the lie!

Racing around trying to be found, was I lost or did I hide? Am I still running? If I am running, then from who? Is it myself, or is someone giving chase? or could I be racing to get the things I think I need, but is this need going to make me bleed?
Bleed sweat and tears, from all the years I have raced to get where I am at, but where am I? Am I truly happy hear, or is it really what it appears to be? I am not sure where I am racing to get, but it seems as thought I had to forget. Forget where I have came and what I am. I am running so fast that my past can not keep up. Is it me or is my past now out of luck? I am not sure where or who I am. I am now just racing to keep up with the sham! This sham of life that I now live, is now all apart on the race. Trying to keep face and keep up in the race! Racing to an end that I know I can now win. Racing to something that just a lie, what will happen to my soul when I die? Racing for what to please everyone not even me. Racing and forgetting what is essential to me! If I stop this race what will happen to me? If I stop this race will I really be free? I don't know, but I am scared to stop. So I keep racing to get to the top!

The Randomness of Music!

I was in the Record or now CD shop Electric Fetus.. One of the best record shops in Minneapolis, just my humble opinion! But any who.. I was in there with my mom and kids, and she brought up old memories of us coming to this same record shop years back with her. And how she called it the old man hang out because it would be full of older men of all walks of life buying their favorite music. Well now it is still a big hang out of men and women of all ages and cultural backgrounds looking for the music that bring back memories or to create new ones, and I had the opportunity to crate a new memory with my children and my mom and let them roam the aisles of music, posters, books, and incense. It was very cool, that my daughter could put on a set of head phones and listen to Jazz, Classical, Hip-Hop, R & B, Blues, and Rock, and with all these mixes of music playing threw these head phones, the mixture of people reflecting each musical era are walking the aisles of the store. Watching this was poetry in the making. The one thing that can bring many people of all walks of live in one open room is music. Hm-mm is this something to reflect on or what! Music makes the world go round!

Just my Random though!

Jamilah!

Questions???

Why is it that some people want you to respect their rights to privacy, but don't mind invading yours? example: You are sitting at a table on your laptop, and they walk up and start reading what you are looking at. But when it is them on their laptop 1. They either do not use their laptop in front of you. or 2. They hide, and say why are you standing by them why are you reading my stuff?

I am confused, is my privacy not mines? hhhhmmmmmm..

Why is it that when you are on the phone, a person chooses to get mad about what you are saying on the phone, do they hear the other person too or even have a full understanding of the conversation? Crazy!

Why is it that when people have children and the father is not really available to help due to working non-stop. Why get mad when the wife says she feels like a single mother? Hay if your alone all day everyday, you pee with your children, they stand guard while you shower.....ding, ding, your a single parent or at least single until they take over, if they take over!

Why do people ask for you opinion and then get mad after you give your honest opinion? Hay the mirror doesn't lie. So why should someone lie to you! If you want pat me ups! Talk to your mom, she is the only person in the world who will tell you your beautiful when your not, tell you, you can be what ever you want, when you are a F student, and most of all tell you, You are special! That part may be true! SPECIAL!

People wake up and read the mail, no one is ever right all the time, not even half the time, my opinion is like a butt hole we all got them! But do not come scratching my butt after you asked for my opinion. I can only give my 2 toots worth! Oh and for the privacy seekers who invade the privacy of others get a clue!

Peace and Love,

Jamilah!

Her problem or his?

If we know what our spouses have an issue, like spending money or smoking. Do you go shopping with him or buy him cigarettes' or do you stay home or refuse to buy them. If you have a spouse that is doing something that you do not agree with I would say don't take part in the act, and complain later. For example the smoking spouse. I would just simply tell him that his actions are bother some and that I will not help him in his acts any longer, not that you are judging him or being disobedient it's just a simple matter of wanting for him what you want for yourself. I know as women sometimes it becomes easy to complain and not say anything to our spouses. But are we really helping or just ignoring what is truly going on and suppressing our anger. I think that love will help make something bad good.

So his problem is your fault if you do nothing to help change it. If your spouse was an alcoholic you would not bring him to the bar or liquor store and say don't buy any liquor because it upsets me when you know he is a drunkard. The same thing is true about any other issue. Help him, by not joining in or temping him with the issue.

I can say from first hand that relationships are hard work. But with the hard work, you both gain so much from it. I love my husband and will do what I can to help make things easy for him. And I complain a lot, but when I sit and think about what I complaining about and how far we have come. I realize that he is a blessing to me as I am to him, and I try to find a way to discuss the things that are truly bothering me. In the end I may not get my way all the time, but I do get the lesson!

Just my random thought and 2 cents...

Love and peace!

Jamilah

Remembrance!

Today was a day that made me think, that so many people in this world take their blessing for granted. I see so many people with family shut them out due to piety fighting and disagreement, people running them selves in the ground working, or people being just plan lazy to spend time with their families. I for one have, had the opportunity to realize and enjoy the blessing of my family. I am able to call my mother and tell her how much I love her, and that I am so grateful to have her. I have my children in my life and my teenagers love to go to the mall with me, and they even walk with me unashamed by me. My younger children still want my hugs and kisses. And my sister's and brothers call me often just to say hello and they love me, thus I do the same! Allah has made this thing called life easy for us, it's not complicated. The arguing, the fighting is what complicates families.

I am not sure why people think they have tomorrow to tell someone they love them, when that is furthest from the truth. I experience that first hand with the death of my daughter's father. He passed suddenly from an asthma attack. But 2 months before he passed, we had the best conversation of our lives, which entailed forgiving, letting go of past pains, and most of all remembrance of loving each other regardless of our future and past argument. I said to him everything I would need or want to say, and I had peace. When we laid him to rest, so many people cried about not being able to say goodbye or say just one more word. But I didn't I said it all 2 months before. And I laid him rest with knowing he loved me, and my daughter, and that he was at peace. So remember to tell and show the ones around you how much you love and care for them....before it's to late, or the argument is so complicated you both can not face each other again.

Love is easy! It's the fighting that is hard!

Until later!

LOVE and PEACE!

Jamilah

Late nights and Long days!

Seems kinda funny that I have been having these sleepless nights, and my days have been feeling extra long? Alhamdulillah I have been able to get up and say fajr prayer, and get my homework done, but by 10am I am beat! My baby is now starting to look at me as if I have a problem. LOL I guess he is thinking the same thing! Lady get some rest so we can play! World I am proud, hard working, and loyal to my family! I am trying to wear many hats to please the many personalities I have to deal with on a day to day basis. Don't get me wrong this is no where near a complaint because I know that what I do I enjoy, and to whom I do it for I love dearly! I just need a coffee break! LOL

One day I will look back on this and smile, and say this was the easy part, now going to do the rest of the job.. Well that will be the hard part, but going threw it was a joy!

To my sister's out here working, taking care of your families, and or going to school. Keep up the good work, I will be the first or the many that will say your are doing a great job!

Love to love ya!

Jamilah

Change?

I am sitting here today wonder can people really change? I mean we see people come in and out of jail, some professing to love Jesus, Allah, and lord only knows; but is this change really or is it that they only changed due to force? Or even take the person that has been so mean for so many years, and then they are acting extra nice, is this change or is it an opportunist waiting to strike? I for one don't know, but I can say this! Change and true change is change of the heart! Cleaning of ones' heart. I can say that I am not the women I once was yesterday, or 3 years ago! I have changed and people have changed they way they look and deal with me because I have changed myself, forcing them to change the way they address and deal with me! Michael Jackson had it right. If you want change you have to start with the man in the mirror! Because when you change yourself they world around you will have no other choice but to change. If I have learned anything in this life it is that true change is not forced change. Being true to ones' self is more important than being true to another. This is my Incomplete thought for the moment.

Peace and Love!

Random thoughts of a Muslimah!

Our my prayers correct?

Will they be accepted? Insha'Allah!

What will I cook for dinner?

Is weight loss really needed???? HHHMMMMmmmm Yes complete!

Will my children be proud of me?

Will my children remain healthy practising Muslims, or will they fall trap to the world? Ya Allah!

The little one that rides me like a horse everyday all day! The horse needs a break! A bathroom break, a hearing break from your whines and screams, a tie my shoe, wait I don't wear lace up shoes... ok.. maybe just a bathroom break once a week! High hopes!

I need a maid, maybe once a week to do the tuff stuff.. like cleaning the floors, dusting, and moping.

Are Muslim men moving backwards with their thinking or is it me? Hhhmmm

When are Muslim women going to reclaim the rights in which we where given?

The baby is on the move! Got to run!

Still my mind is running with random and incomplete thoughts!